This started out as an exhilirating fun adventure but right now it is really feeling like a drag.--Thing is, I REALLY dont want to stop right now because I want to force it back into becoming the fun adventure again like it was at the beginning, before I stop. But I cant see it turning back into fun without the weather changing...and it sounds like the weather is only getting worse...so good luck to me on this one... im so tired of being cold cold cold, and i think i have run out of the initial backup energy stores that our bodies generally keep. im definitely feeling better after a few days of rest, but it doesnt look like the weather is going to get any easier. This guy told me last night i shoudnt let my happiness depend on the weather....sure, point taken, but when you are racing through the days just to try to get somewhere warm and its so cold all the time and ice rain snow hail wind along with it a lot of times, its pretty hard to "not let your happiness depend on the weather" when youre absolutely freezing and all you can think about is how cold it is, how windy it is, and how far you still have to go that day, and how there may or may not be a warm albergue waiting--there may be a warm one or you might be looking at 24 more hours of cold. this situation sucks. i guess we got spoiled by the first week. it was sunny, still, and relatively warm. i was pushing to get through the miles if we had alot that day, but despite the awful blisters, etc, it felt manageable. i didnt feel like i had to bust ass all day and fight the wind and the weather, i could just sort of stroll along and soak up the sun that i hadnt seen in like a year, given two cloudy rainy summers in ireland and the winter in between in seattle.... so yeah, it just felt GOOD. i was tired at the end of the days but i felt like i was challenging my body in a way that it could handle. but NOW, now its so so hard to stay positive and i feel like i sound so negative when i talk to other pilgrims. but its just so darned cold. and one of the guys here said that the temperature here is like summer, compared to what it will be in the mountains. im not sure how we´re going to do the mountains.... basically though if we stop, we have had only a couple opportunities for stopping points along the way because there are only certain places that i can rent a car to drive back to pamplona. the next and last i think is ponferrada...if we go past there we have to go all the way to santiago... i was talking to someone here last night who said that several times he has almost quit along the way and i was realizing that this hasnt really even been in my head because its not an option for me and gro to just hop a bus or the train cuz gro´s not allowed on them. its also surprised me when this guy as well as some other people have said how they thought it was really brave of me to come by myself, with the dog, in the winter, etc and have made it even this far with the weather the way it is.... but i never had thought of it that way, i had just thought of it as an opportunity that presented itself when i really needed to clear my head after having finally finished my thesis defense, and that i took advantage of the opportunity, despite the fact that a friend and i had planned on going together sometime and she was unable to go now. it was just what i felt i needed so i came. after 5?7? 8? 9? years of academics and 3?4?5?6? years of strugging through my thesis, i really needed something physical, rather than mental, to sort of clear my head. it is true, your head does get clear in the sense that you have different worries out here, as previous camino-walkers know... its all about basics. not really basic survival in the sense that you are probably going to somehow in the end have it work out to get your basic needs met, but really it is about basics like "where am i going to sleep tonite?" is the albergue going to be open?is it going to have heat? is there going to be a shop? wheres the next village coming up? im so hungry. im so tired. whens there going to be a village with a shop in it? can i find anywhere in this village up ahead to get under-cover and out of the snow?---an overhang, a pavillion, a church entryway? (answer=probably not, most of the time....) or "shoot, is the next village gonna be big enough to have an atm? ;p it looks big enough in my guidebook but what if its not? what about my laundry...is there going to be a dryer at any of the next few albergues?cuz if not, i guess im wearing dirty clothes....better dirty clothes than wet clothes.... a huge problem in teh winter is that if you wash your stuff its usually not dry by the morning, --and if there no heaters then dont even ATTEMPT it or you will end up wearing wet clothes out in the cold the next day like what happened to one guy my first night...he washed all his clothes cuz there was a dryer and a fire there...then it turned out that the dryer was broken so he ended up with wet clothes the next day. ouch. .... actually i guess alot of these mind-occupying questions are alot more prevalent in the winter than in the spring/summer/fall, but they are def what occupies my mind frequently now when the weather has been so yuck. i seem to be always 1. looking for food (seems like i am SO hungry all the time but i think i got well supplied with good stuff in this village...spent another hour cracking walnuts tonite but only a handful ended up in the bag, the rest in my tummy... ), 2. hoping the next village will come up soon, 3. wishing it would freaking warm up, 4. wishing it was warm enough to take a nap on the side of the path...one day i just did anyway. i also think these things are probably more preoccupying when you are travelling alone like i am. there really arent many others out here. we might share the albergues with a person or two, but the first day was the only day we have really walked with anyone. solitude is good of course but NOT ALL THE TIME!! i was hoping my friend who i had originally made camino plans with--and who's idea it was to go originally anyway but then wasnt able to go now was going to join us for the last few weeks but it doesnt look like thats going to happen now. :( in any case, i think my biggest problem right now is the weather. uch. well, off to go repack the bag again. i was so excited that i had about three pounds of stuff that i was going to mail to myself and "get rid of" for now... the hospitalero was going to weight it for me and then mail it... but they intended for me to mail a whole BOX of stuff to lighten my pack, and i jsut CANT. i need the stuff thats in there unfortunately. every time i go to get rid of stuff i find i am using it and need it. so anyway theyre not going to mai it for me becaues they said it wont make much difference in my bag. i think it will and at least it will give me a bit more space so my bag wont be so crammed, so i guess ill have to mail it in astorga. i wish we could go all the way to astorga tomorrow because it sounds like both the albergues open on the way are cold and unheated, but i dont think we can do 30 k in the cold and wind. gro is def ready to get going again though,she was bouncing all over and wanted to play yesterday and today. i wish i could get me someof that energy :)

all i can say is that this is def not the kind of weather i would be out in if given the choice. if i was in massachusetts, one would be hard-pressed to drag me off the couch away from the law and order/csi reruns to even get me to look out the window when it was this cold. if i was in ireland, you wouldnt get me out of my tiny room with the space heater blasting... and the dog probably wouldnt even be GETTING a walk in weather like this! and this is "summer" compared to the upcoming mountains? uh-oh.....

and to finish up for the evening... an equipment evaluation: most (sometimes unexpectedly) useful items:
windup flashlight.
eyeglass cleaning cloth that came attached to the inside pocket of my raincoat.
piece of rope. used to tie dog, jury-rig tent, thread through laundry to dry, etc.
most useless item in my pack: eyeliner, without question. ....although both my pens died, so in an emergency....
item i most wish i had but dont: some kind of facewarmer/neckwarmer....and truly waterproof gloves. mine are going back to REI when this trip is over cuz they are sposed to be but most definitely ARENT. REI also needs to temperature-rate their sleeping bags using "normal" people as testers. i dont know who they use but it must be the same people who walk around in shorts and tank tops in the winter. there is NO WAY that my sleeping bag is truly a 15 degree Farenheight bag. it doesnt feel warm even at like 40 degrees. :/


ALSO: i captioned my pics tonite. im not counting on having internet again for a while....looks like rough days ahead.